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Cruise Control

It is an amazing mix of musical prowess, charisma, unicorn hair (no, sorry - that's Harry Potter), talent and raw sexiness that together delivers the explosive cocktail that is RockItt. To create that awesome mix of stunning music and jaw dropping visuals, the original four man band had to look towards expanding their line up.  The band experimented with a number of additional members including bassoonist Paul 'Tops' Trimble, balloonist Ray Starlight, Welsh play-the-spoonist Daffyd Kunt, and an entire Mexican wind section.  This was all to no avail and the band grew frustrated as they sought for a missing ingredient.

It was Fate herself who intervened 15 years ago when Wayne Kranium visited Cinderella Rockerfellers, a lap dancing club in Croydon, and changed rock history forever; it was here that he met Cruise Control.

Wayne Kranium himself said that he only popped into the club for a spot of light relief after a hard day in the studio.  As Wayne recalled in a 1987 interview: "I settled into my seat to watch the show, drink in one hand and in the other...  Anyway, the lights dimmed and the dry ice flowed like champagne onto the stage, closely followed by two slowly writhing figures clad in a light sheen of baby oil and the occasional artfully placed sequin.  They then together engaged in a sweet ballet of pole dancing.  They were obviously talent and I could see their assets straight away."  Wayne met up with the girls after their show and showed them his credentials.  They were suitably impressed and agreed to a trial period as dancers for RockItt.

Babs Ramsbottom and Cerise Cartier had originally met four years previously at the 'High Riders' air stewardess college operated by Air Bangkok.  The two girls became very good friends and passed their exams with distinction after becoming favourites with their tutors.  Unfortunately, on their first flight together they also gained entrance to the mile high club and subsequently found their feet firmly back on the ground.

Together they ventured forth pooling their resources and enduring several short-term occupations.  These varied from Cerise's mobile hairdressers venture to a burger van franchise run by Babs.  The girl's masterplan was that each business would share the same vehicle.  The intention was to have 'Babs Burgers & Hotdogs' on one side of the van and 'Hair Stylist' on the other.  Unfortunately, a mistake by the sign-writer meant that instead the girls were stuck with signage saying 'Hair Burgers' and 'Babs Hotdog Stylist'.  Not surprisingly, both businesses were ultimately doomed to failure.  The girls then embarked on moderately lucrative dancing careers but didn't truly find their calling until that fated meeting with Wayne Kranium.

Cruise Control's time with RockItt was eventful and helped develop and expand the RockItt fan base.  Their inventive dance routines and graphic body gestures brought a whole new meaning to the phrase 'visual aid'.  Then disaster struck during the famed Rock for God Festival '98 in Romford where RockItt were supporting Alvin Stardust.  A member of the road crew accidentally left Cruise Control's microphone switched on.  Shag Fury explains: "The girl's were gifted with their bodies, not with their voices.  Normally during a gig, they just mime along to the song - we never actually told them, but their mics were like Minty Clinch: not switched on", he said.  "During the Rock for God incident, the girls took full advantage of the oversight and inserted a major key change which led to a minor riot.  The performance spiraled out of control and in the stage invasion that followed several members of the band were hospitalised.  On the plus side though, after the police brought the crowd under control, Alvin Stardust did appear!" 

The girls are still dancing with RockItt thanks to a binding contract they signed with Mr Patel of Korma records without the band's knowledge.  Mystery surrounds exactly how they managed to do this, but Cerise is understood to like to get her hands on a couple of onion bahjee's whenever she can... allegedly.

 

 

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Last modified: August 24, 2007