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RockItt mid-tour report

Tour going well despite a number of unexplained 'freak' accidents...

February 9, 2008 -- RockItt's European Tour resumed on 8 February 2008 when the band played an exclusive gig for fans in the Green Park Tavern, Bath.

The much anticipated tour has been beset by problems and 'freak' accidents.

In their latest show the band were quite literally setting Europe alight when a fault with the band's extravagant lighting show caused a laser to malfunction temporarily blinding drummer Minty Clinch and starting an on stage fire.  Several Buzz Muffberger at the Green Park Tavernmembers of the crowd were treated for smoke inhalation at the scene.  None of the injuries are thought to be serious.

Earlier in the tour keyboard player Shag Fury received a head injury when he collided with bass player Wayne Kranium's instrument during a routine rehearsal resulting in the cancellation of the sold out concert at Wembley Stadium, London.

Guitarist Buzz Muffberger (pictured right) has been plagued by inaccurate playing.  Usually a reliable and solid - if unspectacular - lead guitarist, the 'Muff' has muffed repeated solos on the tour and even been caught playing the wrong chords during some songs.  "It's almost like he's not very good", said one fan after a particularly error-strewn performance, "but obviously he must be quality or he'd never have made it into the band.  It's basically a mystery and my friends and I think that this tour is cursed..." the large breasted female fan continued.

As if that wasn't enough, news of a major row between the band and their management has emerged.  The argument seems to center around the band's gig in Birmingham.  The group had thought that they had been booked to play the prestigious NEC National Exhibition Center.  In fact the band are booked to play a car park at Birmingham airport.  Arrangements for the tour have been made by Shag Fury's Personal Assistant (UK and Asia), Boadicea Stiletto.  In a statement she denied a rift with the group and explained the mix-up: "I received instructions regarding some elements of the tour by telephone from Mr Fury who was doing some promotional TV work in Chad.  The line was poor and I wrote down Birmingham NCP instead of Birmingham Road Manager Dave AndrewsNEC.  The band understand that this was a simple and honest error that anyone could have made.  Reports of unhappiness are grossly exaggerated - but unfortunately by the time the error was noticed it was too late to change...".  Fury is supporting his Personal Assistant (UK and Asia) - in public at least.  "It's really not a big issue", said the keyboard maestro, "the NCP is actually a large, airy venue with excellent road links and, being an airport car park, it is very convenient for the band to jet off on the next leg of our tour".  Wayne Kranium was less forgiving:  "That daft cow has done it again - who in God's name would book one of the world's biggest bands to play a car park?  It's embarrassing", said the bass player.

Only singer Margot Chutney has emerged from the tour unscathed - so far at least - although it is understood that persistent rumours of an affair between Chutney and Kranium are having a negative impact on Chutney's relationship with long-term partner Dave Andrews.  Burly truck driver Andrews (pictured right) - who is the band's Road Manager on this tour - was involved in a car park fracas with Kranium at the band's hotel.  Both sides later claimed that the argument was over Donna Kebabe, an exotic dancer at Kranium's favourite fast-food strip joint, 'Snax and Baps', and not about Chutney at all.  The situation was further complicated when a band insider hinted that guitarist Muffberger has also fallen for Chutney.  "Buzz is infatuated with Chutney; it's plain for all to see...", said the unknown source.

Meanwhile, the band's show at the Porter Butt on 23 February 2008 has been cancelled amid rumours of poor ticket sales - an allegation strenuously denied by the band.  "That's rubbish.  The show has been cancelled due to personal commitments of some members of the band", said spokeswoman Boadicea Stiletto.  However, we understand that only five tickets had been sold for the event - three of these to family members of the group.

 

 

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Last modified: February 10, 2008