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Fury's fury after botched eye operation

Shag Fury's rock star career in doubt after failed laser eye surgery...

April 24, 2008 -- Fans of supergroup RockItt have been shocked to learn that the career of founder band member and keyboard supremo Shag Fury may be cut tragically short following problems with a laser eye surgery procedure.

Fury had flown to Chad for the operation which was performed by Dr Dickie Dosh of the Ocultular Private Clinic on the recommendation of his Executive Personal Assistant (UK and Asia), Boadicea Stiletto.  The operation to correct a slight short sightedness that Fury has developed after years of self-abuse should have been routine but went disastrously wrong.

Mr Fury was reportedly too upset to comment in detail but Boadicea Stiletto did make a public statement on behalf of Mr Fury and the rest of the band.  Speaking outside of the Kamala Paradise Hotel in Chad, Stiletto said:  "I should like to confirm the unconfirmed reports that Shag Fury, keyboard player with international rock act RockItt, has undergone a minor laser eye surgery procedure.  The procedure was mostly successful, but Shag has been left with some residual myopia which means that he will have to wear spectacles for the time being".

Wayne Kranium, however, seemed to suggest that the problem was more serious.  "The poor bastard's practically f#@king blind", said the bassist, "he's got to wear glasses that look like he's peering the wrong way through a telescope".

Singer Margot Chutney - known to be the filling in the RockItt sandwich and the glue that holds the band together - immediately flew to Chad to console Shag (pictured right wearing his new glasses).  She also hinted that the problem with Fury's sight was severe.  Interviewed as she left the hotel where Fury is staying, Chutney said "It seems that Dr Dosh set the laser to the wrong setting after a session smoking a nargile.  He's zapped Shag's eyes, but we're hopeful that another session of laser eye correction will fix the problem.  Shag was pretty upset but I think I managed to cheer him up a bit."

Guitarist Buzz Muffberger, who is currently on holiday in Baghdad, spoke to www.rockitt.co.uk by satellite phone: "Obviously it's very sad when things go wrong.  Shag is an internationally renowned sex symbol, loved by millions the World over.  His looks are his livelihood and anything that impacts on that is potentially very serious.  That said, I think his new glasses are very fashionable and really suit him - in fact he looks very studious and it brings out his intelligence..."

When asked what impact this might have on the band, drummer Minty Clinch shrugged his shoulders but made no comment.

 

 

 

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Last modified: April 24, 2008